Budget 2009: A Text Adventure

>look

You are standing in the oval office (your jacket is nowhere to be found). There is a mound of used-up cigarettes in the corner of your desk and a secret service agent named Larry. There are no observable exits.

>talk to the agent

Excuse me?

>talk agent

You begin to babble on in this nonsensical language known as "agent". Larry's shades prevent you from noticing if he's looking at you but, you suspect he is.

>dance

You start to but, the image of Ellen forces you to consider otherwise.

>say, "I want cheese."

Really now, this isn't that sort of game Mr. President.

>inv

You have in your possession: a lighter, $500 dollars in frozen cash, a copy of your book (you're not sure which one) and a Presidential pen.

>write budget

Write the budget on what?

>write budget on paper

Sorry, you don't have any paper. You have to write the budget before you can buy paper!

>look agent

Your eyes turn to Larry, a stone-faced warrior who wears his sunglasses 24/7. You notice a trail of toilet paper creeping out his pant leg.

>get toilet paper

One look at Larry and you decide such an action would not be in your best interest.

>light book on fire

You light a copy of your "life story" and throw it to the ground. Larry the secret service agent becomes arroused (not that way you pervert!) and rushes over with a fire extinguisher he apparently had up his sleeve. The trail of toilet paper falls to the ground.

>get toilet paper

You grab hold of the writing material for the 2009 Budget. Hurrah! Now all you have to do is write the budget. What's first on your agenda?

>paper

Are we really on that again?

>the poor

Ah, your heart beats in tempo with the music of angels. How much would you like to give the poor?

> $50

$50 Trillion it is. You truly are the Messiah! Assuming that there are about 37 million homeless people (our numbers for the census, hehe) then we can split that up to give each poor individual $1,351,351.35. Are you readY to sign your name to this?

>no, i meant $50 dollars each!

Oh Mr. President, such a jokester. The moment you wrote the number down the press got wind, your approval numbers are now 87%! There's no going back, even if you really wanted to.

>I really want to!

Your budget has been published and all over the nation poor people are cashing their checks. Sure we don't have that much available but, you know, we'll just go ahead and print some more. What's the worse that could happen? *CRASH* You look over to what used to be your favorite side of the Oval Office to see a drunken hobo dazedly falling out of his newly bought Corvette. See how you stimulated the auto-industry, the insurance industy and from the smell of it the Jack Daniels Industry all with a few scratchings on a piece of toilet paper?

>look

You are in the oval office, which admittedly doesn't look so oval right now. There is a gigantic hole in the wall where a hobo (must've got off the train a few days ago which explains why he hasn't transformed into a bum yet) crashed through.

>go hole

MR. PRESIDENT! How many times do I have to say it, this is NOT that kind of game...oh wait, you meant go in that direction? No problem.

>look

You are on the White House lawn. Reporters, along with Gibbs, are running in terror as a derranged transient with two katanas and his own personal body-guard (Is that Brock Lesnar?) stalk the grounds angrily. He's saying something about cheese and the end of times. Congratulations Mr. President you have finished the 2009 budget and escaped the White House.